im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
