I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
