dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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