U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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