you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
