I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
