Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
