So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
