I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
