I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
