Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
