Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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