Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
