i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your cock deserves a montage
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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