is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
