I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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