"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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