If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
