I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
