Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
