Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
