So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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