The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
