While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
