I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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