I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
