This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my sisters under your porch take her home
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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