dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
