What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
