sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
