Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
