Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
