Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You ate ashes out of my bong
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
