lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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