I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
