I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
