i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
