i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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