my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
