Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
