I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
