Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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