Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
