apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
