hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
