I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
