I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
