I will die if light touches me.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
