all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
