so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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